She was smiling when they wheeled her away for surgery. I was smiling through tears.

It’s been a crazy week filled with information and doctor visits, travel and tests, and to be honest, some fear and regret. Humans tend to look back and wish things had been done differently, or they had turned out differently. We’re all looking for a happy ending, and we like it best if the beginning and middle are happy, too. We think about our future and we imagine it pretty and perfect and pleasant.

I’m human, too. And I’ve had a life filled with pretty and perfect and pleasant. Really, I will tell you than even in these last eight months of the hardest trial I have faced, my life has been filled with many beautiful, perfect moments. So much grace.

But we live in this fallen world and there are those other moments. No less filled with grace, but tainted with pain or regret. Filled with fear and uncertainty.  Covered with a thick cloud of darkness. Peace is a struggle and truth is in our minds but seems far away from our hearts.

But it is there. The truth is there. The truth of God’s reality, of His power, of His absolute sovereignty, of His love.

He is there.

Marissa’s tumor has grown alarmingly fast since her chemo. It would be easy to regret decisions made. It’s natural to wonder what could have been done differently. We want so much to have pleasant news, a perfect resolution, a pretty outcome.

But it is what it is.

And we have peace with that. Because of Christ and the peace we have with God through Him.

Truth settles in the heart once more.

Send out your light and your truth. Let them lead me. Let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling. Psalm 43:3