Tears in a bottle

Yesterday was a good day. Yesterday was a hard day.

I woke with a physical ache in my chest, and it followed me all through the rainy, cold day. I sang songs, I breathed deeply, I spoke truth, I prayed.  And still, the pain.

Because you know what? I don’t want to be buying slippers to keep my daughter’s feet warm during chemo. I don’t want to search for hats to keep her head covered when her beautiful, soft curls fall out. I don’t want this next year to be filled with pain.

I walked into the warmth of my home and felt some relief. I hugged my husband hard. I marveled at the kindness of friends, filling our home with flowers and food and love. I listened to my children and the language of family. I watched my daughter laugh.

But in the end I cried. I cried and my daughters held me. I cried and it was better.

God is not disappointed with us when we cry. He remembers our frame. He keeps count of our tossings. He puts our tears in a bottle.

It’s okay to cry.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” (Psalm 56:8)

2 thoughts on “Tears in a bottle

  1. Colleen, God is using your trial and the gift of written expression that He has given to you to minister to others. Your words are carefully chosen and beautifully arranged. They are a song of praise to our gracious Lord through tears. Thank you for allowing us to walk with you on our knees.

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  2. Colleen, your words are beautiful. I too have a heavy heart. Even though I’ve only met Marissa once I feel like I know her through Kelsey. I think this feels close to home because I have daughters the same age as Marissa. I have been praying many times a day for you, Marissa and your family. Love to you and continued prayers.

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