I went running this morning, and it has been awhile. Awhile since I could leave the house, awhile since I could justify the heavy breath of exertion when my sweet girl was struggling with her shallow breaths.
It has been awhile since normal.
My children are going back to work, back to school, and I am going back to laundry and meal plans and catching up. Catching up with this new normal that we never wanted and don’t want now.
I am completely amazed at the grace that has abounded. Grace for choosing burial clothes and a final resting place. Grace for seeing pieces of Marissa’s life all around. Grace for getting up and moving through each day.
Grace for walking the path of last things.
And now grace for stepping into new.
I would be so lost if I were not already found. I would be so lost without Jesus.
Early in our journey, our pastor encouraged us to think of this road as our assignment from God. There were so many times I remembered that when I felt I could not do the new thing ahead.
If God gives me something to do, He does enable. If He sends me down a difficult path, He does strengthen.
He will most assuredly see me through.
Marissa finished her assignment well because He saw her through.
We are encouraging our children to be brave in this new assignment. To allow sadness and heartache to do its work, but to keep walking in this appointed path.
This appointed path of small things.
The walk of faith is mostly small steps. It’s mostly mundane. It’s getting up each day and choosing to walk the pilgrim way. We can’t see too far ahead, and we’re not supposed to.
Our steps would falter if we saw the miles ahead, the sometimes weary road. Our steps would falter if we saw the mountains we would climb or the valleys we would walk through.
We might shrink back from leaping over chasms deep.
But we can take the small steps of today. We can walk by faith today. We can do our assignment for today–the grieving, the loving, the every-day living.
All the little things that make up a life, that lead us on to glory.
We can be faithful to God in all the little things of today.
He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8
Tracing His Goodness 
Colleen, You’re an amazing person……but then, you belong to an amazing God. Betty Lou
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The words to this song that Virginia & I sang as a duet as teenagers popped in my head as I read your blog today, Colleen. Our continued prayer and love is with you all:
When I’m low in spirit I cry, “Lord lift me up I want to go higher with Thee,”
But nothing grows high on a mountain so He picked out a valley for me.
And He leads me beside still waters somewhere in the valley below
And He draws me aside to be tested and tried in the valley He restoreth my soul.
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Your words, “I would be so lost if I weren’t already found” spoke so deeply to me. Thank you for sharing your heart and faith even when you’re hurting so much ❤
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Amen to all you said! I am praying for all of you!
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It is so encouraging and yes, convicting, when ordinary people step back and invite God to write a story so much greater than what we would have chosen for ourselves. Marissa offered her life to God and He made the most beautiful story out of it–because we were all able to see Christ through her…through you…through the humility and grace with which you each have walked this hard road with her. We have not been there to witness your lowest moments, but we know they’ve happened and we have been comforted, knowing God has walked every step with you–and Colleen, He will continue to do so until you draw your last breath.
“I had fainted unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalm 27:13. I smiled to read that you took your first early morning run. Much love and many prayers.
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“I would be so lost if I were not already found. I would be so lost without Jesus.”
YES! Amen!
Continuing to pray for you all as you get “back to the little things” — and continue to trace His goodness! May you know the comfort and peace and strength that HE alone can give for all the moments…
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Our Sunday School teacher read aloud a portion of your blog during the lesson – using a teachable moment to reveal that most wonderful truth about our Lord that we often take for granted. He is real, and he is able to keep thee just as he said he would. In your words we found a source of solace, and in your tears, an uplifting in spirit. Your Marissa was truly a model of strength and what God can do with a submissive heart. Her mother is a true inspiration to those near and far and a living testament of what “keeping your joy” in the depth of despair is really all about. What a wonderful witness of Grace you are! Be encouraged by knowing that Marissa is in the arms of Jesus today…that is more than enough reason to smile. Keep writing!!
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