A thousand good-byes

/ collenny

Grief is a winding path. It is not just one good-bye but rather a thousand good-byes. That first crashing wave just keeps lapping against the sand.

It’s not just good-bye to breath, good-bye to warmth. It’s good-bye to all the would-have-beens. Good-bye to morning greetings and good-night hugs. Good-bye to shopping trips and coffee dates. Good-bye to wedding plans and babies and laughing together. Good-bye to birthdays and conversations and long walks. Good-bye to living and loving and sharing.

Good-bye to her smile, her zeal, her joy. Her friendship. Her love. Her presence.

Grief is a thousand good-byes.

I keep remembering the hellos. Oh, the joy of saying hello to her.

Hello, heartbeat. Hello, miracle. Hello, curly-headed sunshine.

Hello, exuberant child. Hello, funny and energetic teenager. Hello, beautiful and gifted woman.

Hello, warrior. Hello, lover of God. Hello, faith hero.

Grief is the ending of hellos. That is what takes your breath away, and that is what hurts your heart.

So many good-byes. No more hellos.

Our family is reading a book about heaven together. It is like a whole new realm that I have never really thought about. It is comforting in ways I cannot tell. There is a fullness added to life, and the circle comes together finally. The journey’s end–how I begin to long for it. How I begin to joyfully consider what is ours in Christ.

How I long to know the tender heart of the One who loves so well and prepares such a place. The One who gave His life so that we could go there and be with Him forever.

The One who is our eternal refuge. The One who holds Marissa safe.

Safe in the place where all our good-byes will someday be turned back to hello.

For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come. Hebrews 13:14

And He who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Revelation 21:5

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Romans 5:1-2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 thoughts on “A thousand good-byes”

  1. Someday the Lord will call us home–even as a mother calls out the door to her child, “It is time to come in!” Thank you for your posts.

    “Waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body” (Rom 8:23).

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  2. This post about goodbyes and hellos perfectly captures the grief I felt following the death of my first husband. “That first crashing wave just keeps lapping against the sand.” Yes. Wave upon wave. During the drive home from work every day, the waning day with its clouds outlined in pink and gold drew my thoughts to heaven and the great gulf there was between us. I couldn’t cross it until the established day and time. Thank you for writing about your journey. You are doing important work as you give us a window into your soul.

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  5. Weeping here with you, though I know I see only a glimpse of what our Heavenly Father has been/is revealing/ministering to you in this walk of faith. Thank you for opening that window into your heart.

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  7. Thank you for sharing your profound journey with us is precious, poignant, uplifting, hopeful, and restful in His loving arms!!!! Praying for you and Daniel often.

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  8. I am so sad for you There are some Scriptural blessings that can be revealed in no other way. I cannot know the remarkable peace you have been given, but I know that when I need it I have your testimony that God will provide. Thank you for your thoughtful writing.

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