Four years ago today.
It seems like both yesterday and 100 years ago.
Time moves me, minute by minute, away from those years of having her. Away from those awful days of losing her.
Time doesn’t erase the memories. I hold them safely inside of me and bring them out when I am thankful or sad or brave enough. I’m not one to remember events in detail but I do remember the truth and beauty of her life.
Marissa is always with me.
My daughter had surgery this week, and even though it was all new and frightening to her, because of pandemic restrictions she was mostly alone. Afterward, she recounted that while waiting for surgery, she imagined that Marissa came and sat with her. Gave her words of encouragement. Comforted and calmed her.
Seemed as real as her breathing in and out.
Imagination or a ministering spirit? I only know that she was beautifully at peace.
And I recognize the Author of peace and His ability to provide it to all His little children in whatever ways are best.
Time is one of those ministers.
God intends us to move on and we do. We couldn’t stand long under those first crashing waves of grief anyway.
We gradually move to calmer waters. Not to the absence of grief but to an easing of soul, to an eternal perspective. We still have our own journey to complete, our own path to walk. When the waves increase, we steady ourselves on the Rock. We shout yes and amen to all of His promises. We keep our eyes on that distant shore.
Because time keeps moving us away from last words, last touch, last sight. Time is fading the photos and the memories. Time keeps taking us to places and experiences without her in them.
Time just moves on relentlessly.
But it has become more friend than enemy. Because as we walk forward, we have the assurance that time is also moving us closer to home. Closer to the finish line. Closer to the place prepared for us.
Time just moves us closer to seeing her again.
Amen. It is so.
For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory. 2 Corinthians 1:20
And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:17
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. Ecclesiastes 3:1-7