I think of you at sunrise.

How you loved to get up early and wait for the color to spread across the sky.

I think of your joy, your beauty, and how easy it was to love you.

On this birthday, the memories flood in like high tide covering the sand. Gentle, but relentless, pushing through where I have somehow built a barricade. It washes away like an abandoned sand castle, no matter how strong it seemed just moments ago.

It is October, and I am remembering. Your first breath and the first breath of fall, linked forever. My autumn baby, fall even now whispering your name.

Grief is a mercy, really. I know this. How shallow and distracted I was before it found me. How it changes me still.

Yet, here I am. A mother missing her child, another empty birthday. My heart is filled with wondering. What would you be like? Where would life have taken you? How would age be changing you?

As always, truth washes over me. Life has taken you home to your Savior. You are fully alive and eternally safe. You have no tears and no pain. Your story goes on.

The beauty of October is not lost to me, even now. Seasons and rhythms, comforting reminders that we are held. Our tears are kept. Not discarded or considered unnecessary, but precious. Purposeful. Working in us what all the joy of life could not.

Today is a remembering day. Today we will think of you with joy. We will celebrate all the days we knew you and laughed with you and touched you and loved you. We will honor your bravery and faith.

We will thank our God on every remembrance of you.

Happy birthday, Rissa. I love you forever.