A new year is coming, and I am thinking about other years. Years when I looked forward with joy to a new baby, a milestone, a graduation, a wedding. Years when I wondered about change, even feared it. Years when I hoped to accomplish something, years when I wanted everything to stay the same. There was always a looking forward, an expectation. There was sometimes fear. There was always hope.

And now there is this new year. I already know so much of what it will hold. And never has knowing felt so much like not knowing. Never have I been so uncertain, so vulnerable, so afraid. Never have I needed truth more–needed it to seep deep down in my soul and soothe the turmoil, tame the terror, still the storm.

Never have I needed God more.

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I am speaking this truth to myself and to my children.

I am speaking it to Marissa.

Precious child, He is with you. He will strengthen you. He will help you. He will hold you in His hand.

Do not fear–He is with you. He is the only one who participates in every moment. When you are alone in your bed at night and the tears will not stop falling, He is with you. When you are being wheeled away for a test or for surgery and you feel panic rising up within you, He is with you. When you are waiting for a test result and your mind is frantically tumbling with both hope and despair, He is with you.

You are being held.

Do not look anxiously about you. Don’t look. Don’t look at the statistics or the studies about recurrence or long term side effects. Don’t look at the cancer and its horrors. Don’t look at your own small faith. Look at Who God is. Don’t focus on the battle around and in you. Focus on your God. His strength, His character, His absolute ability to keep you safe.

You are being held.

He will strengthen you. He will help you. He will hold you up.

And I love the truth of this verse. I love when He strengthens–when He gives that supernatural ability to endure. I love when He helps–when He enables us to carry on when we are past our own strength.

But what I love most–what I have needed most–is His promise to hold us up. His promise that we are being held. His promise that we are being kept safe in His righteous right arm when we would certainly be falling hard if not for His strong and gentle hand. If not for His faithful, covenant love. If not for His kind and constant care.

It is not your faith that is pulling you through. It is not your strength that is lifting you up. It is not how well you are holding on.

It is Him.

You are being held.

When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:24