Everything is meaningful these days. I am intensely aware of details, almost like I am watching this trial, my life, unfold in front of me. A dead battery? Meaningful. A hospital stay? Awareness. A test result? God. It always comes back to Him and what He is doing.
I don’t take my belief in Him for granted. I know that even my faith, my ability to believe, is a gift from Him. It feels like I have always believed, but I do remember doubt and disbelief. I remember as a teenager not wanting to believe, because it meant changing. It meant submitting. It meant choosing a way that was not my own.
But my belief in God fills my soul now. I cannot imagine not knowing, not believing, not looking up. I cannot imagine saying there is no God or saying no to God. I don’t want to say no to God.
Two mornings in a row last week I saw falling stars during my run. And I thought of the twinkling lights and how He numbers them and puts them in place and knows when they fall.
Lift up your eyes on high and see Who has created these stars. The One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name. Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one is missing. (Isaiah 40:26)
He knows when they fall, my friend. There are billions of stars, and He has numbered every one. He knows their names. Not one is missing.
He holds them in place by His might and His power. When they fall, it is not because He is not strong enough. They do not fall because He looks away. Not one is missing that is meant to be there. Because of His greatness, they shine. Because of His greatness, they fall.
Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. (Matthew 10:29)
Every sparrow is precious. Every sparrow is subject to His benevolent hand. He numbers them, He feeds them, He knows their days.
So do not fear. You are more valuable than many sparrows. (Matthew 10:31)
And I’m letting that sink down into me. The great God Who numbers the stars and the sparrows is the One Who holds my hand. He formed me and He formed my children with an exact purpose. He loves me with an everlasting love. He sent His son to die for me. He is intentional in His pursuit of me. He plans to bring about good and glorify Himself through my life. He is powerful. He is kind. He is good.
He knows when the stars fall. He cares for the sparrows.
And He sees me.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)