Running again

I’ve started running again. Not too much and not too far, but I’m doing the motions. My ankle protests and my body isn’t sure, but my heart remembers.

I started running when I was 42 years old. After my last two challenging pregnancies, I was heavy and tired and determined to feel like me again. I went back to my aerobics class and I started running. And I unexpectedly fell in love with early morning runs. I love the quiet and the time to think and pray. I love the energizing work and the discipline. I love being outside with the stars and the rising sun.

If you know me well, you know that not much keeps me from my class or stops me from walking out that door in the morning. But a broken ankle did.

Did you wonder when you heard I broke my ankle? Did you wonder what God was doing? I could hardly believe the fall–it wasn’t a stumble or even just a slip but like having a rug ripped out from under me. Sudden and hard and fast. Then our van quit in Charlotte and has needed several repairs since then. My son broke his hand and needed surgery. My husband’s job is hanging by a thread with four lay-offs in the last year and another announcement that one is coming in November. Marissa’s surgery (the one they told us was her chance of cure) was cancelled at the last minute.

Are you wondering? Does it sometimes feel like God is not answering our prayers?

Please don’t be discouraged. And don’t you worry about us. This is our assignment, our story.  We don’t understand all of the plot. None of us knows what God is doing. We just don’t and we might not ever. We need to be ok with that.

Because we know Him, don’t we?

We are getting to know Him and His faithful heart. We are learning to trust in His eternal purpose whether or not we can see it. We are learning to trust in His providence whether or not it measures up to our idea of good. We are learning to rest in His love that never lets go.

Don’t stop praying. Pray that God will accomplish every single thing He intends. Go ahead and pray for miracles and good news and relief. Pray for His mighty healing power to be shown. But pray deeper, friends. Pray for submission and peace and joy in the trial. Pray that our faith will not fail.

Maybe part of faith is just getting back up each day and living out your story. Maybe it’s just putting one foot in front of the other even when you’re stiff and tired and hurting. Maybe it’s limping along until the heart remembers.

Maybe some days faith means just standing up and starting to run again.

I was pushed hard so that I was falling, but the LORD helped me. Psalm 118:13

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 thoughts on “Running again

  1. The part that really made me cry, because it is like a bolt of truth that I so need to be reminded of again and again: “None of us knows what God is doing. We just don’t and we might not ever. We need to be ok with that. Because we know Him, don’t we?We are getting to know Him and His faithful heart. We are learning to trust in His eternal purpose whether or not we can see it. We are learning to trust in His providence whether or not it measures up to our idea of good. We are learning to rest in His love that never lets go.” I’m reading Alcorn’s “Heaven” and after recounting how desperately we need forgiveness of sin and how to find it, he makes the statement “Ultimately, God’s greatest gift is himself. We don’t just need salvation, we need Jesus the Saviour.” I’m grateful that your words reverberated that truth to me again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you, Colleen, for continuing to share your deepest thoughts, hopes, and fears. God is being glorified through you, your daughter, and your family. We don’t have to wait to see it. We see it now. Wish I could see you more often to tell you face to face, but then again, I don’t think I could choke the words out. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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